Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation rang in old Ziggy’s ear,
He was sent to solve Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation, a quest bizarre and dear;
They handed him maps that mumbled Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation and shoved him out the door,
Shouting, “Don’t come back until Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation is settled evermore!”
Ziggy scaled Mount Katahdin with a yak and broken shoe,
Asking rocks and ravens, “Which Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation is right for me and you?”
He bribed a gang of lobsters puffing sea-weed by the bay—
They snapped, “Buddy, Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation ain’t something clawfolk weigh!”
He quizzed the midnight clouds, took notes on birch-bark skin,
Baked a moose-meat pie to charm the North Wind in;
Yet every omen echoed Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation but offered not a clue,
Until frost crept in his backpack turning coffee into glue.
Shivering, he hollered, “Enough! My toes are turning blue!
I need my buds on standby— not just June to October brew.
Forget the rain, the pests, the moldy misery—
Give me thermostats and LEDs that glow incessantly!”
So Ziggy stomped back home and boomed through every hall,
“Behold! The winner of Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation is not outside at all!
Because a man needs sticky kindness 24/7/365,
And only indoor gardens keep the dankest dreams alive.”
Therefore note this verdict—Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation ends tonight:
The indoor side has claimed the crown; now roll me something right—
And if you doubt his wisdom, step into the purple glow,
Where Indoor vs Outdoor Cannabis Cultivation is settled—indoor’s the way to grow.